Q&A-SEXUALLY SHY
1:34 AM Posted by MS.NOVA
I was sexually assaulted a few years ago. Time and therapy have helped, but I still have issues initiating sex. I'm in a relationship with a man that I love, but something still stops me from tapping into the sexy chick I was once upon a time.
We have talked about it, and he's understanding and supportive, but I just want to move past the pain and into a satisfying sexual life. This girl needs to release! Lolz! I tried the lingerie (tags still on) and other "sexy" tricks, but I ended up feeling stupid and trying too hard, ruining the mood all together.
How can I get my groove back with my man without being something I'm not?
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April 29, 2010 at 2:10 PM
First, let me commend you on your courage. *clap clap clap*. Not only for sharing with all of us about your painful past, but for having the guts to get yourself better.
having a supportive and understanding partner is HUGE, so you're starting out with bonus points as far as i'm concerned. lets figure out what it is that makes you feel sexy and confident!
the lingerie, candles and satin sheets are a nice touch, but its OUTSIDE of you. meaning, its temporary. you can't have all those props everytime you want to ride the baloney pony!
Know she is in there waiting to come out. Your inner Tina Turner - a rock goddess who gets what she wants, a confident flirt, she claims it, is respected by men and women - whoever that sexy woman is for you (mine is Tina so lets roll with it) get to know her again. Confidence is crucial. Whatever you do well, do more of it. then challenge something else new and reward yourself with a sexy treat. make a point of initiating - just a little- if its a flirty stare, a touch, a text - give the green lights.
Sadly, many women have gone through a similar experience. after being violated, gaining confidence can be a slow building process. its one brick at a time lady, and you have all the tools. like Tina says, YOU'RE SIMPLY THE BEST!!
: )
Nova
May 5, 2010 at 6:34 AM
wow...did I write that letter?? I guess alot of us are going through this. Thanks for posting this, Nov, & writer, thanks for writing it. Unfortuntely. I was with somebody who did not nurture my healing process, and really made me feel ashamed for being 'shy' and basically let me know it made me less of a woman. Sooo, I ditched him. Recognize, and appreciate the man that you have (which it sounds like u do!) because they don't all deal as well as he does. And, more importantly,don't forget to really take time and congratulate yourself on the steps toward recovery you HAVE made!! Think of the people you've enlightened simply by writing this note!! I appreciate you. :)
May 6, 2010 at 12:29 PM
@Andrea aka
so sweet! i appreciate you too "question asker"!
Andrea got it right on! take accountability (step 2 in loving you more) for the progress you HAVE made! just writing this is HUGE! being vulnerable after being violated takes time. but time you have, so take it.
but back to Andrea...choosing someone who pushed your buttons to "make" you feel less then a woman really says a lot about where you are in your own healing process.
follow me. the people in our lives, are a reflection of us so a guy who puts you down only REFLECTS something you already feel inside. dig me? work on that mamma. when you know better, you choose better.
: )