ADVICE -PARENTAL ROLE REVERSAL
9:53 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
Who's The Boss?
The last time my mom was visiting me, she was getting ready in my bathroom while trying to explain the importance of "show towels" when, mid-sentence she blurted "oh my god. i am my mother." Other symptoms have included; Rearranging my silverware drawers, ironing sheets and secretly upgrading all my cleaning products.
As much as she feels more like HER mother, I feel the roles reversing with her and I. "Put on a sweater." "Those shoes aren't sensible for the mall." "Did you eat breakfast today?" "That SPF sunscreen isn't high enough. And wear a hat."
When does this start to happen? When dealing with elders, parents or co-workers, as tough as it may seem at times, respect is paramount. Patience ranks second and keep that tone in check. No one wants to be told what to do. Think if a 12 year old came over for dinner and began critiquing your home, marriage and lifestyle. Don't let the door hit ya...
"Once a man and twice a child."
I probed a few folks on twitter (follow me @butilovememore) and many mentioned they were going through similar situations and gave their advice.
@ILikeDags " Mom referred to me as "The Boss" the other day. It's a strange feeling & uncomfortable premonition of things to come. Patience is key (working on it). Have to remember that it's tough for them too.
@timino780 Keep in mind that they're still adults and may not handle slowing down well. Respect 1st & never treat them as children.
@IAmMsNikks Just remember, when you were little they were patient with you. Took the time to answer the same question a million times.
@BetterKnownAs10 My mom doesn't like when I tell her what to do; go to the gym, drink soy, don't perm ur hair... But she listens sometimes.
Time marches on and tables are going to turn with you and your parents. But keep in mind there is no training manual when it comes to aging. Make an effort to live your life by example. For example, if your parent has health concerns, being careless with yours won't make you an expert. Also, 9 times out of 10 it's not what you say, but how. Approach with a sense of genuine care and/or concern. Thats not the same as baby talk and coddling. Get ingnored? Leave it alone. Chances are they heard you and are giving a kneejerk defensive reaction. If it's important, it'll come up again.
Showing appreciation to our parents starts with respect for ourselves. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best luck in taking care of them.
Now excuse me, I have some "show towels" to iron.
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May 5, 2010 at 6:20 AM
'love'!!! lmao @ show towels!!!!!
May 5, 2010 at 9:47 AM
Very well written! I find myself pickingbout my mum's clothes and encouraging her to workout fir health's sake. It's funny, I don't know at what point this all staryed happening.
Haha my mum irons everything too and I find myself doing the same thing! Help!!
May 5, 2010 at 12:29 PM
Great thoughts on a topic often swept under the rug.
I have so many stories about this... My dad is so macho. He wouldn't wear winter boots. So this past Christmas I bought him some suede Merrels that are insulated with aggressive soles. He didn't say much more than thank you, but he wears them EVERYWHERE and with EVERYTHING now.
I realized that sometimes a conversation won't remedy a situation... Just do it. Respectfully.
May 6, 2010 at 12:22 PM
@ Andrea aka
yeah. show towels are important. so are tea towels, hand towels, dish towels...
"this can't be life!"
@Ms. Nikks
thanks for your kind words. girl, i don't know when it started to happen, but we are here!! the encouragement is everything (no naggs - we all hate it) especially when it comes to issues with her health. USE IT OR LOSE IT! but this is where we lead by example. when she sees you making a conscious effort to be healthy and informed, it could rub off. even if it doesn't, you still benefit!
@TiMiNo
you hit it on the head. action is key.
"sometimes a conversation won't remedy a situation"
he wears his new boots everywhere eh? maybe its some for some dress shoes? (ha!) my sister and i got my mom a cute cruiser bike for her bday last year in hopes of adopting a new lifestyle and getting out to meet some folks! she loves it, and that has lead to her taking on other changes too.
showing your love and care versus worry and frustration - it makes all the difference. ultimately when our parents are happy, so are we.