butilovememore.com contains motivational non-fiction pieces, meaning, 'the stuff you can't make up" and "celebrating the courage it takes to talk it." with that said, can we get really REAL for a minute? ladies this is for you. i need to talk to you about the secrets that get pushed to the back of the sock drawer. the abuse and misuse of our sex, body and gifts. the manipulation of our kindness and loyalty. the perversion of our unwavering, unshakable love. sound familiar? you are not alone. however, i'm not sure if that makes your feel comfortable or disturbed or both.
as a mentor i have been taught that "our gifts lie next to our wounds". here is the tradeoff. to access the talents and purpose that only we can exude, we have to get honest and clear about what our wounds are. to take an internal inventory is the hardest thing in the world, and thats why so many folks don't do it. where we find resistance, we find reward. the things you have a strong aversion to, a 'hell no, i'm not doing that/saying that/sharing that', are the same things, once handled and conquered (via fear or necessity) provide the greatest sense of satisfaction.
what are your wounds?
have you come to terms with your molestation? miscarriage, neglect, abandonment, abortion? rape, abuse, eating disorder, cutting, drug use, disease, shame, addiction? is it still taking up space in a corner of your mind, or it blocking the entrance to your heart? the day you can say THIS HAPPENED TO ME is the day you begin the long process of pushing through to get to the good stuff.
the best way to describe it is like having that hollow, nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach and knowing to feel better you need to get it out, as messy and uncomfortable as it will be. i realize its scary to say you were a victim, or re-live a trauma you worked so hard to forget. i'm not suggesting you go on Twitter and tell all your biz, but if telling a therapist, your sister, best friend, husband or diary will help you to cope, then yes yes HELL yes, tell it all. its your story woman. the ugly and unthinkable have made you beautiful. you can't re-write the past, but you can write a new ending.
so start to write. putting your past on paper does help. create 'a shit list', the who's and whats of your hurt. how old were you, who was he, what happened. its difficult to write it down and more so to read it but i'm telling you, there is some relief that comes when you reach the bottom of that page and realize that you're still standing. your head hasn't exploded and after all of that, remnants of love remain in your heart. this list helps because when we look at what's negative in our lives, the positive becomes THAT much clearer. is this making sense? something that has so much negative power will have, on the flip side, that same amount of power for good. follow me?
you've heard me say, when you don't know what you DO want know what you DONT want. and part of knowing what that DONT want is, is looking what lies behind you on this road. look back to see how far you've come, what you have survived, what you endured. look ahead knowing you have a clean slate, starting at this very moment.
a courageous friend and talented artist released this powerful track on this very subject.
i've played it about 7 times and i'm more and more encouraged by her vulnerability.
Mission Statement : How We Do
"...but i love me more" means making a choice to love yourself, as you are, before anything else.
It's also forum to share stories and the realization that past pain CAN propel our future progress!