LENDING MONEY TO MEN
4:42 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
*via twitter*
My friend has a man that lives off of her. He lost his job and she feels like she has to solve his life for him. She wrote his resume, applies to jobs FOR him -he never does - and for the last SIX MONTHS she pays all of his bills (he has his own place).
When I'm with them, I see the routine; he acts helpless, feels bad he can't buy her things, and to soothe him, she takes care of everything."It's cool, I got it." But this isn't Miss Independent, its Miss I'm-Just-Making-It. It kills me to see women spoil undeserving men, while doing nothing for themselves and getting nothing out of it.
How can I talk to her about putting her foot down with this loser and focusing on HER future?
Have a similar situation? Comments? Let us know below and Darling Nicky will give you the straight facts.
February 8, 2011 at 6:25 AM
Women are born nuturers. We come eqipped with things like compassion, maternal instinct, heck..we even got stuck with the womb because our Creator didn't think that men had what it took to look after a fetus for 9 months. So, when crisis strikes the people we love, women come swooping in with this "Save The Day"/"Everything's Gonna Be Alright" attitude and start sharing the burden, then ultimately carrying the burden because that is just what we do.
Truthfully, it is very possible that there are emotional/psychological reasons that the boyfriend remains unemployed 6 months later. He may have a crushed ego if he had been with the company a long time, or may be reluctant to accept jobs that are lower in pay or position than before.
Regardless, your friend needs to have a frank and constructive conversation with her boyfriend. If he continues to burden her with his financial responsibilities, she may jeopardize her own financial stability and independence. Then they would both be up a creek with no paddle.
Does the boyfriend have parents that he can lean on? Surely he has friends that he could turn to as well? What about Unemployment Benefits or Social Assistance. People who work pay taxes and are entitled to benefit from social programs when life happens.
Your friend is going to get stuck on a hamster wheel (well, she is already it seems). Gently advise her on what you are seeing from your point-of-view, and leave it in her court.
February 9, 2011 at 1:25 PM
I agree, its hard to try and make it today and have to worry about these losers.