BFF BREAK UP

1:07 AM Posted by MS.NOVA

"Just because it didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while."

From the age of 9, *Trish and I were best friends.Trish always had drama in her life, major breakups, world ending fights with her mom and older sister. It was just normal to always be there for her when the shit hit the fan. She was there for me too, but my drama was minimal, compared to hers.

It was in our twenties that she really dealt with deep stuff, but again, I was there for her. When the smoked cleared on the last “incident” (an ex was stalking her) she met Tim, her guy.

He was sweet, non-confrontational and her dad (her hero) loved him. I didn't feel as much pressure to hover and pick up the pieces, because the drama was at a minimum with Tim in the picture. I was both relieved and genuinely happy for her.

Just as I flew away from the nest, the unthinkable happened. At 51 years old, Trish’s father dropped dead of a heart attack.

It was awful. And I was right there for her. I slept on her couch, made funeral preparations, shut down my business and stayed on watch 24/7. Months later, she moved out to her boyfriends house in the country, a 30 minute drive away. If I wanted to see her, we went there or to her parties with her friends and his. I was always going there, it was rare for her to come see me. It became the norm because I let it.

A year after the death of Trish’s dad, I moved across the country with my boyfriend. I had a lot of guilt about leaving her, but this was best for me. She hardly ever called. In my heart, I knew it was the beginning of the end.

While away, Trish and Tim became engaged and their became about the wedding. I would call to talk to her, and we would talk about the wedding – never asking how I was adjusting to a new life. We started to grow apart. When the wedding rolled around, *Justin and I moved back home. I swear Trish didn’t even notice. Something was different.

By that time my relationship was falling apart after I caught Justin cheating. I was sad but didn't want to put it on her with the wedding and all. I was uneasy and became very uncomfortable around her. It’s hard to say the right things when someone is sad, angry, or depressed. But you are there for them. I was always there fro the hard times for her and that was no walk in the park.

Finally, I reached out to her, and it was a struggle. Trish wanted me to react to Justin’s cheating the way she would have. If I was sad and quiet, she would want me to be angry. It cut my heart when she snickered, “ I knew he would do this.” At my worst, so upset I couldn’t drive, she never came to see me. She was too busy with the wedding.

Her big day came and left. I moved on after the breakup with Justin and a
year after our falling out she had a baby. Despite zero contact, I was invited to the baby shower. Again, all about her. Ummm, no.

She was a lot of work to be friends with, and as soon as our bond was not about her, we fell apart. This became clear with time. I believe friends are around for the rough times, and then they celebrate the most with you when things are good. They earned that right.

It took courage but most of all, an honest conversation with myself to see that this friendship was one sided. The commonalities that bonded us initially had either changed or disappeared and the pieces that we left we not enough to create a foundation for anything more. We shared a lifetime of history, sure, but sometimes all those memories and years is all you have and that does not define a friendship. After walking away from my best friend of almost 20 years, I’ve learned that friendship is something you DO.

Ladies as always, this is a REAL situation. Sadly, I know this one too too well.

Please comment if you have something to say or share your experience

and how you handled your BFF break-up.