I’m 25, a single mom with a 4 year old son.
The guy I’ve been seeing for the past 3 months, is decent, but we always seem to get into arguments about how I spend MY money. If I’m shopping, he thinks I’m being extravagant (it was a shirt for an interview). I fix my car, he says sell it and take the bus. He brings over food to eat at the house, when I’d rather go to a restaurant! It’s the source of all our arguments and honestly, just really annoying! I make my money, I don’t ask or NEED his, so WTF!?
Other then this, he’s great. Treats me well, we can have a conversation and he’s good with kids (though I haven’t really brought him around my son.) I’ve been single so long and finding a man who will accept me and my child is impossible!!
Do I let him go? Or stay for now and ignore his comments?
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December 18, 2009 at 10:34 AM
ok, i think its as much about his need to assert power, as it is his desire to share what he probably defines as 'helpful sugguestions'.
If im right about that, he'll find other ways and areas in your relationship where he feels his opinion is 'better' or more valid etc..
I dont think ignoring the comments is a realistic option, constant criticism of how you deal with your own affairs/life/money(if they are a constant) will inevitably offend/upset you..it would piss me right off.
I think the dicussion you need to have with him should include:
-When its your money, its your call, so tell him u need him to lay off the critique.
- when he wants to bring food over but you wana go out (or any other decisions that should be joint, but he takes control) ask him to hit u up and see what your saying b4 hand. - basically that discussion should be had, before any decisions are made that effect you both.
if $ is the only area he feels he knows better than you, than hopefully you can speak about and work it out.
But I always thing, that if you start this conversation and he is unwilling to see or think about how he can better support you,
he might be someone who is unwilling to hear ciritque of himself. To me a definate dealbreaker is being involved with a dude who swares he has no faults.
March 18, 2010 at 3:39 PM
It smells like a controlling type of person...you need to address these issues right away....before they become habit and usually not in the right direction of success...you may want to ask why he constantly needs to make comments or criticizes your decisions...Question: Is he so successful in managing his money? do you actual proof? If he cares for you and your son...he will realize it and agree that or deny and not be willing to be humble and learn from this suituation...in which case it may be a sign for you to be aware of...
March 18, 2010 at 4:10 PM
@J you said a mouthful and i think you said it all!
@dckc i agree, this look like a red flag. help is help and being a critical prick is just that. speak up for yourself, show express clear examples of your concerns (instead of emotional generalizations) and dckc, i'm with you, if he's humble he'll listen. otherwise, talk to a professional financial advisor. no one wants a controlling dink.