Q&A-SELF-SABOTAGE
12:12 AM Posted by MS.NOVA
I sabotage relationships. The better it is, the “worse” it is.
Either I’m with a total prick that I can’t get enough of, or Mister Nice who I treat like dirty panties. Worse then! The panty I’ll wash and keep! After breaking off my engagement, friends told me there was a pattern, but I don’t know what to do! I love a challenge, love the chase, but when its going good, the excitement is gone!
What do I need to realize in order to see that that good guy is GOOD for me?
Have a similar story? Comments? Let us know below! Follow @butilovememore
December 14, 2009 at 8:50 AM
Okay, I'll give this a go. Not because I know what you have to do, but because I'm interested in the problem...
So you seem to have framed the problem as a choice between 2 extremes: Mr Pr*ck and Mr (Noballs) Nice Guy!
The truth is you're looking for someone who both provides a challenge (so has balls), and is also a good guy!
And the double truth is, there's not a lot of guys out there as good as this.
But if you did meet someone this good, would *you* be good enough for him? (We are talking an exceptional man, after all!)
...Hmm, my answer isn't really helping I can tell, so I think I'm going to rely on the words of Mahatma Gandhi here. And Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world".
So... I think you get the man you (think you) deserve!
Deserve more, by valuing yourself much more highly!
This kind of transformation isn't easy but it is possible and you get to chip away at it every time you think a thought!
Good luck
Steve
December 18, 2009 at 10:57 AM
alrighty, this may not be super helpful but...
From my own personal pretty similar experience ( actually with my first nice guy EVER at age 26),
and from what i see based on other grilfriends i have who are similar:
You will change your ways when you are really and truly, sick of the assholes.
Some inconsiderate, selfish and self righteous dude will punk you and break your heart in such a huge way, that next time/guy, you will run from the first sign of all assholeish ways.
My Possibly more helpful comment would be, that my current guy is a tough and quiet kind of dude. Not overly polite and doesn't very often smile. He's not an ass, but isn't naturally very 'sweet' - oddly this is what i like. Nice guys weird me out. (my issue,im sure)He's a serious one, but with a heart of GOLD. Find you one of those..
February 7, 2010 at 12:49 AM
@ Steve thanks for the comment! Always great to hear the fellas right?
@J glad to hear you found someone and yes, you DO get tired of the B.S eventually.
I think both fellas summed it up. Value yourself aka loveyoumore and be clear on what you want, lose the flip-flop. Once the hard part is done, those vibes you out will act like a magnet towards some better choices.