LIVE TO TELL: VALENTINES FAIL

By February, my 9 month relationship with *Max was clearly coming to a close but I had couldn’t dump him until Valentine’s was over. To avoid being a heartless bitch, I suffered a few more days of the awkwardness until I could end it. Out of obligation I bought him a card and before he came over, I cleaned my room, briefly entertained the idea of sex and then quickly decided against it. Valentines Schmalentines. When I’m done, I’m done.

 Max was to come over around 5pm, we’d order food and then go to the movies. By 6:30pm, I was still alone, pissed off and hungry (aka Def Con 3). Instead of savoring sweet chocolate hearts, I stewed about this bullshit that was disguised as a relationship. It just wasn't fun anymore. Max lost his job, skipped his college courses to play ball, ate my food like it was free, and started asking me, waitress/student me, for money!!! Lazy. Unmotivated. Complacent. It was a wrap. I was turning 21 in two weeks and waaay too young to be dealing with his B.S. My eyes had begun to wander anyway and it wouldn’t be long until the rest followed.

 7:30pm. 2.5 hours late. Pounding on the door, I swear I smelled the booze on him before opening it. “Hapshy Balentine Nov”.  Classy. He’s drunk, high and in his hands are my gifts from Cupid. Not flowers, but a blunt, a screw-top magnum of cheap wine and I think he signed the card on his knee in the elevator. Oh, did I mention the bottle wine had already been opened and was a quarter empty? Cha.

 Calm and stone-faced, I sat him down. I told him that I expected more from him after 9 months and very clearly explained that I would no longer be participating in this relationship. Valentines Schmalentines.

 "What did I do to make you think that THIS would be acceptable??" I asked. If I played a role in this mess, I wanted to know so I’d NEVER do it again. Stunned, and partially drunk, he said nothing and started to stumble out of my apartment. Figures. At my wits end and still starving, I knew I wasn’t going out like that on this lovers holiday.

 “Not so fast." I said.  "Leave the spliff and wine with me.”