LIVE TO TELL- DATING AN ATHLETE
5:18 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
*this is a judge free zone. let's keep it that way.*
Once upon a time, before I was married and invisible in the eyes of men, I dated an athlete or two. I wasn't going to NOT date an athlete. Why limit myself? A man who is dedicated, determined, successful and talented - uh, those are great qualities!
But, and big but here, I wasn't going out of my way to meet one or accept any B.S because he catches a ball for a living. Nice is nice, and if the chemistry is there, go for it! My rule was a jerk is a jerk no matter what he makes. At the end of the day, what's his is HIS, no point of me getting excited about it. His money won't make him funnier, more thoughtful, better on the phone or create things in common.
So here's the FIRST story.
I'm 19. He's 22. I work in this huge restaurant/arcade facility and he comes by all the time. We love the same music, have good conversation and he makes me laugh. Sure, he was super tall, but I didn't think much of it. I had no idea that the sweet guy I gave my number to was "somebody."
The season started and his cute face was plastered all over the city. Weird. I was a student and waitressing while one of his diamond earrings could buy my childhood home and everything in it. His success intimidated me. I'd watch a movie at his insane condo, get dropped off in a Mercedes that resembled a space ship and enter my crappy apartment with 5 gross roommates counting the change from that nights tips. Back to reality.
I would beat myself up for not being this imaginary image of what I thought he wanted. As his popularity exploded, he seemed lonelier and almost sad. We couldn't go eat without someone asking for an autograph, or bitching about a game that was lost. Right behind the praise comes the hate and at times, both got to be a bit much. I played dumb, made myself too available to him and worried more about what he wanted then the real priorities in my life. All this for a guy I wasn't even sleeping with!! To stop my spirit from shrinking, I made it clear we could be friends longer then anything else, so that's what I wanted. Surprisingly, he stayed in touch...
Fast forward 10 years, that "somebody" taught me a lot about the illusion of money. Millionaires get miserable too and there is no training manual that shows you how to deal with a fortune and the people, known and unknown, who are after it.
Standing in his spotlight allowed me to see my own insecurities and dealing with them put me in touch with the woman I was when he wasn't around. By being open, I gained a perspective at 19 that served me well for years after that. Athlete, schmathlete. I have no regrets, there is always a lesson.
I KNOW y'all are out there with your stories. Ha! Don't leave me hangin'!
If you care to share, think about this:
- Think about how you met. What was your intention for talking to him?
- How long did you date? Stand out memories of dealing with his fame?
- In what ways did you see yourself changing?
- Why did it end?
- In hindsight, what did you learn from him?
Have a similar story? Comments? Let us know below! follow on Twitter @butilovememore
May 18, 2010 at 7:00 AM
well I can't say much - as my story is just beginning..and we both have intentions of it not ending. He is at the start of his professional career as a boxer, so really money and fame is not an issue...yet. (I happen to be more established in my career right now anyway). I hope it won't be as one of the qualities that has attracted me to this man is how humble he is. Luckily until you reach Mayweather/Pacquio status it's still a fringe sport to the average person - so I doubt we will have to deal with publicity on the level of a baseball/football/basketball player. Esp. in Toronto.
May 18, 2010 at 2:07 PM
great story. we learn lessons from the most horrific challenges. I had an experience or 2 with athletes and industry cats. they are all the same and without the money they are just men.
May 19, 2010 at 12:18 AM
@ momo
thanks for taking the time to comment! it lets me know you read this thang! it's nice that you have found someone special. finding a man you feel a connection with is challenge #1, then comes everything else! You might not have to deal with celebrity or fame on a scale that I did -mainly b/c of the sport -and if he is humble now, and its BEFORE the fame, this might be a drama free romance!
i think the message of the story is losing yourself in another person b/c of what you THINK they want. thats not living your truth and that, no one can keep up. nice to hear you dont have that issue! good luck!
@ Lady Complex
my girl! there was a good lesson here for sure. again, this is the FIRST story. I dated a few athletes and working in entertainment for 10 yrs, there was more then one industry fool. SMH...
you said it. strip it all away, they are just men. regardless of the title, there is no one worth losing yourself for. but you have to go through that to get to the other side. sure is interesting watching that world though.
thx for the support mamma!
: )
nova