Q&A - STUCK IN A RUT
4:11 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
I'm stuck.
My life feels as if it's been on pause for the past 10 years.
I have dreams and can't get them started. I have talent that is rotting. Friends have all but moved away and I compare myself to them, and feel like crap for not being where they are. The days and years are blurring into one.
My life consists of gossip and idle time screwing around online, smoking to numb my anger and chasing guys to quench a thirst. It feels like its going to pass, I DO want more for myself, but this fear of the future and regret of the past has me paralyzed.
How do I give myself a jumpstart and how do I keep it going?
Have a similar story? Comments? Let us know below!Follow@butilovememore
May 29, 2010 at 7:40 PM
GIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL!! Don't make me start preaching on here! As I read over that post, I thought "you've got to be kidding me" This can't possibly be that beautiful curly haired girl, whatchumacall it, umm Nora-whoops I meant Nova right? The same woman who so kindly gave me advice in one of my weakest points in life? The same woman who has independently developed a blog sight inspiring young females to basically get their minds right through loving theirselves? Naw, that's not her!
Babydoll, the state of life you are in, is nothing but a reflection of the state of mind you are in. From all that I gained from you, in the lil twitter msgs and what not, from your questions, your eagerness to grow, I see total potential in your ability to be a great you in this world. From what is reflected to me, I see a conscientious individual, strong minded, a leader. From a leader to a leader, I understand the vulnerable periods, I understand the "meantime" seasons, and the overall feeling of worthlessness at times. As much as you do for people and though they see you as great, sometimes it just comes down to what you see yourself as. Sometimes things can be overwhelming, you may feel a great deal of pressure, probably still confused as to whether or not this is all your here for. Questioning life maybe? (No, not suicide) Just a question of is there more? You've come to a level of wisdom and maturity to easily look back and see why/how you slipped up when you did, etc but the main point is, yesterday is gone. It has been gone, it will be gone, there is no turning back. However, tomorrow is a few hours away. You have the rest of today to prepare and do all you can, building off of yesterday for your advantage. You messed up yesterday? Who cares! You mentioned age, so there's no time to sweat yesterday. The only sweating you should be doing is to guarentee a better tomorrow for Ms. Nova. This is not a get over it, this is a make a decision to never look back, not even to wave. When you turn your back on your future, that cost you the most so let's keep our gaze on one goal at a time and watch the game start rolling. Make a list of goals, start off small and get larger or w/e you feel fit. Make a list, make a time limit for that list, and promise to yourself that you will stay on your own time and complete that list! Before you know it, not only will the list be completed, other goals you never imagined reaching will also be reached! XOXO you got a sister in me! :-)
June 1, 2010 at 3:37 PM
@Charnese
great response and fantastic advice! Though I've been in a rut or 9 myself in life, as always, this question came in from a reader. so reader, put your name in where it has mine and there you go!
Rut's are reference points. Start taking action (#3 step on loving yourself more) and day by day you'll get there. write down what you want! how do you want to live your life? ask yourself, what did you do TODAY to get closer to those goals? easier said then done for sure, but practice makes perfect.
a rut and depression are two very different things. if you think it's the latter, speak to your doctor. how long you've been feeling this way, the possible instigator of this funk and the feelings/thoughts you have (hopelessness, crying for no reason, just down, sleeping a lot, weight gain/loss, isolation, self medicating with drugs, sex, food, shopping or alcohol as temporary feel goods).
you can get thru it honey. look at it, see it for what it is so you can start to fix it. this is the start, not the end.
: )
nova