COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN
10:04 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
*via email*
How come I can't TALK to the man I've been with for 3 years?! Nova, I moved in with my high school sweet-heart 8 months ago and for whatever reason we are having a communication break-down. I hear myself turning into a nag, shoot, I'm turning into MY mother - yelling at him the same way she'd yell at me! ughhh!
When it comes to housework, contributing to bills, even sex, we are just on different signals and trying to make him change is making me nuts. When its good its good, but man, it sets me OFF when I ask for his help or when I ask for anything, and he doesn't follow through.
What can I do to communicate with my man (before I tear his
head off!)
head off!)alrighty then...lets help her out!
Comments? Have a similar story, let us know below!
As always these are REAL emails from our readers.
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email Nova: butilovememore@gmail.com
December 1, 2010 at 2:27 PM
Patience is a virtue indeed. It's annoying but it's the difference between successful and unsuccessful communication. You sound young so there shouldn't be such an immediate inner rage at disappointment when your man doesn't come through. Although he was your high school sweetheart, naturally we all develop overtime whether totally obvious or not and perhaps your young fellow has changed far more than you've accepted. Seeing as you two already are living together you can either take a night off together to address the issue and talk it out. This can be very helpful because we often don't even realize of we can offend people and just to acknowledge ways in which you or he may be offended over things can be helpful for the relationship. I would definitely suggest talking as a direct route to clear up some underlying issues and hostility. If you honestly feel there is no hope after the discussion and things don't change in your favor then make a wise decision. I won't tell you what, but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
December 2, 2010 at 6:49 PM
@Soul Sister
great advice sis and you did a great job of giving my reader some clear options in a frank way. *two snaps!*
December 8, 2010 at 12:28 PM
When working on communicating during rough patches or with difficult topics, it is always easier to begin with what is called a "soft start up." It is much easier to get anyone to listen (men, women, children) when you approach them in a soft manner. Instead of "I hate when you always leave the toilet seat up" try something like "Hey babe, I just wanted to thank you for helping me last night, it was really sweet. I also fell into the toilet in the middle of the night last night, so I would really appreciate you remembering to put the seat down for me." The second started with a compliment and even added humor to the situation.
Also remember to stay clear of blaming and using statements like "you always" or "you never." State everything in terms of "I" and speak of specific occasions if possible. For example instead of "You never kiss me anymore!" try "I really miss kissing you. We should kiss more often!"
These are just some simple tips that I usually tell couples when communication get to be rough. Good luck!