GIRLS WHO GET IT- ANGELA SHELTON (online edition)
3:46 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
The title on Angela's business card says: SUPERHERO. At first I thought that was a cute little joke, but the more I learned about this courageous woman, her life and her important work, it became clear to me that she chose the perfect title for herself.
A survivor of years of sexual abuse inflicted by her father and stepmother, Angela has bared her soul and dedicated her life to the support and education of sex abuse survivors. We have all heard the statistics - 1 in 3 woman have been abused (sexually, physically, verbally) and to prove the validity of that stat, Angela conducted an experiment on film.
Piling her life in an RV with video camera in tow, Angela travelled the US and interviewed 40 women who share her name and sadly, many Angela Shelton's also share a history of violent abuse. She also was able to confront her abuser, her father, on Fathers Day. For those of you who have never had the nerve or the chance to literally face your fears, Angela did it for you. This superhero now speaks at universities across the country in a courageous effort to end violence against women. "Searching for Angela Shelton" is the title of the her award winning documentary. Please. Please. Please watch it.
"bad things may have happened to you but its your decision how the rest of the story goes."
I try to remind people to 'use your past pain to propel your future progress', to realize that whatever trauma you experienced, be it yesterday or 10 years ago, YOU have the power and potential to turn that negative, nasty energy into a force for good. I wanted to profile Angela in order to shine a light on a woman who is doing just that.
Angela Shelton is a Girl Who Gets It.
Of the Three Steps to Love Yourself More - Acceptance, Accountability and Action
which one have you struggled with the most? How did you overcome that?
I struggled with acceptance for sure. I’ve been the giver time and time again so accepting help, love support and simple kindness was hard for me unless I returned it tenfold. Honestly going to Al-anon meetings helped me with that one, showing me that the acceptance issue it was tied up with being co-dependent.
I’ m now practicing receiving love and support. It’ s a phenomenal feeling, especially when it’ s not tied up with
feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. It’ s been an amazing place to be in to stand up as a whole woman, love who I am and receive love back from others and myself. Receiving it from myself was the hardest coming from years of self-loathing.
Describe a challenging time in your life and explain why you are better for it?
The most challenging time in my life was when I natively set out to make my documentary thinking I’ d get it done in six months. It ended up transforming my whole life and took a decade to transition from.
I was very cocky in the beginning, wanting to show the boy’ s club what a female filmmaker could do, how we could unite and not only make art but affect change. But I got schooled. I got the rude awakening of the battle
of women against women. I was helped along the way by far more men than I was by women. It really taught me that unity, equality and safety is not a battle of the sexes at all. Being a female filmmaker and proving myself had nothing to do with battling the men for position, it had to do with making a great film.
What attributes did you have to bring forth in order to achieve your goals? How did you stay on track?
The attributes I brought forth were not what I would have labeled as good years ago because it involved becoming a bitch. By that I mean Being In Total Control of Herself, not being a mean person. I like reclaiming words and definition.
I had to learn quickly to fire people, become very clear and firm with what I wanted to accomplish and let go
of the fear of hurting someone’ s feelings in order to get the bigger project finished. Most people are not doers and many of them don’ t want those who do to get it done.
Men are many times seen as strong and powerful when they stand firm with their goals while women are seen as bitches. I say be a bitch then, but a person in control of herself, not the kind of bitch in battle with other women just to repeat history. There’ s a loving way to do it, like some strict but adoring mothers are who will feed you well but also tell you like it is and make you do your homework.
I stayed on track because I stopped everything in my life to be sure that movie got out into the world. In hindsight I would have balanced my work with my play more but hindsight is 20/20.
What is the best advice you’ ve ever been given and when in your life did it help the most?
The best advice I ever received was from actress Katey Sagal when I was sixteen. She told me to never compare myself to anyone, ever. I’ ve heeded that time and time again as a woman, an artist, a speaker and a writer. Be unique. There will always be someone to throw a tomato if you get up on stage.
Don’ t be brought down by others, but especially not by yourself due to comparing yourself to others.
Also advice I’ ve gotten many times after making my documentary and being faced with some really unhealthy and rage filled people is to not engage with crazy. That’ s hard when you have co-dependent tendencies and want to help fix everyone or if you’ ve been misunderstood, misquoted or hated for being healthy and moving forward. The best thing is to not engage with crazy, and that includes those who don’ t do, the creeps, freaks and actual bitches too.
I’ ve had to practice that quite a few times from when I was threatened by perps or sent emails in all caps from people hating that I said a curse word while talking about child sexual abuse. Don’ t engage with crazy, it’ s not worth it. Keep doing.
Who are the “ Girls Who Get It” in your life (famous, or not)? Why them?
Wendy Murphy wrote "And Justice for Some." She’ s possibly the smartest woman I’ ve ever met and is not afraid to be radical about raging against the machine. She is now an attorney for victims of rape or child sexual abuse and takes cases where she can affect the law state by state. She rocks. I adore her and am glad to also call her a friend.
My bio mom always brings back whatever I’ m going through to the spiritual lesson which I appreciate.
My adopted mother Fiona, who I chose and claimed as a mother figure. “ Down with patriarchy darling,” she says in her gorgeous English accent. She spends her life discovering healing techniques outside of the medical field.
My BFFD (best friend forever, duh) Aly is one I’ d want in my camp if the world was ending. She’ d be my first stop if we were allotted time to pick up the ones we wanted. I trust her. Not only does she tell me like it is, but she’ s always been there if I had to be rushed to the hospital, when I was down to my last dollar and hungry, when I was
attacked by creeps and crazies, when I wanted to just give up, she’ s there and best of all, she’ s sane.
To learn much more about Angela Shelton and her incredibly personal and important story, see the links below:
M: http://angelashelton.com/
E: http://www.amazon.com/gp/
E: http://www.imdb.com/name/
T: http://www.twitter.com/
December 7, 2010 at 3:42 PM
"ditto" she is a wonderful woman and thank you for sharing with your friends and readers..
December 8, 2010 at 4:57 AM
Where can I get a copy of this documentary? I would love love love to do a screening and maybe even a Q&A about it here in Philadelphia!!
....perhaps even a fundraiser for Women Against Abuse!
December 8, 2010 at 7:11 AM
Angela is the most dedicated, inspiring, loving and caring woman I know. She has helped so many woman off the path of darkness and into the light. She is my angel.