Q&A- STUCK IN MY MARRIAGE
11:38 PM Posted by MS.NOVA
*via email*What do you do when you wake up one day at 29 and realize you're stuck in your marriage?
I already know what happened, we moved too fast. Within two years we had met, gotten engaged, had the wedding, bought a house and had our first child.
I was 22 when we married - waaaaay too young and had accomplished nothing for myself. Part of me got swept up in the idea of a fairytale and the other part caved to the pressure of family. After nine months of dating people were like, so when are you getting married? So we did. Then "When are you having kids?" Now THOSE PEOPLE are no where to support me when I feel suffocated.
I'm turning 30 in July and I don't know what's worse -
being divorced with two kids or settling for the next 30 years.
What do I do?
Have a similar experience? Comments? Let us know below.
As always, these are REAL concerns from my readers so please take the time to help out!
January 25, 2011 at 2:53 PM
First things first. Open up your Netflix and select "Eat, Pray, Love" starring Julia Roberts based on the true story of writer/journalist Elizabeth Gilbert. You have basically described the set-up for the plot of the bestselling book by the same name.
If taking off to Italy, India and Indonesia are simply not in the cards for you, then consider the following:
1) Children hurt more when the love is gone.
Parents think that they are the pinnacle of martyrdom when they stay in broken relationships for the sake of the kids....because afterall, the fate of rotating weekends between two parents whose happiness is found once separated is vehemently worse than living in a home wrought with bickering, emptiness and bitterness. Simply put, give your parenting the benefit of the doubt that you are raising children strong enough and mature enough to understand that Mommy can't be of any good to anybody, if she is not good within herself.
2) One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
You haven't indicated whether your husband shares your restlessness, but regardless, he sounds like a stand-up guy that deserves to be with someone that loves him and WANTS to be with him. Hopefully he's not oblivious to your feelings, but if he's still engaged in this marriage, and you are not, then out of mere respect for his feelings you cannot continue to bide (his) time.
3) The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Before doing anything, you need to really think your options through. If at 30 you are feeling as if you haven't accomplished anything for yourself, then are you in a position to support yourself and two kids on your own? That is of course if you plan on being the custodial parent. Unless you absolutely DO NOT love your husband anymore whatsoever, then there is no aspect of "finding yourself" or realizing your personal goals that can't be accomplished inside of a marital relationship. That's why people get married, to have a "partner".
Here's a link that may help you organize your thoughts a little. http://www.therelationshipgym.com/should-I-stay/should-you-stay-or-should-you-go.htm