LIVE TO TELL- THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

June 30^th 1999. 11:45 a.m. Mister Litelle’s math class writing my final high school final. FREEDOM!! Throwing down my pencil I did a mini victory dance and literally ran all the way home. Winds of change coursed through my curly hair as I sprinted toward the house I grew up in. 4 blurry years were now behind me and life outside of my medium size town could begin!! WHoOp wHoOOp! London, Ontario was safe and comfortable and I knew that should I stay another moment, I could be swayed to stay there forever. This flower needed a bigger pot to grow so I headed for the big city. 

 2 weeks later on July 16^th I moved into my first apartment in downtown Toronto. I was 19 years old. For the next 9 years I moved 4 times around the downtown core and learned every short-cut, scenic park, cheap sushi, late nite liquor store, all the essentials of city living. When I was 24 I lived on Seaton Street. The homes were beautiful brick Victorian, many over 100 years old. At Christmas they looked like gingerbread houses with their ornate wood carved easels dusted with snow and icicles, window boxes stuffed with poinsettias and twinkle lights. As charming as the home was, the surround hood was hella seedy. 

Halfway between gaytown, cracktown, yuppytown and the projects, the local characters were a plenty. The park I’d cut through in order to get to my Sunday morning waitressing gig (Zelda’s. infamous Gay diner. Another book…) would send me into sensory overload and high alert all at once. Men sleeping in urine soaked clothes, men cruising for other men to sleep with, sweatpant hoes desperately looking at passing cars, tweekers still sailing from their late night high, me, a young family walking to school, oh, and did I mention this scene is at 8:30a.m?

Seedy and freaky, but strangely, I never felt unsafe. The old street rule 'don't start none, won't be none.' applied in Allen Gardens at it did anywhere else. Take long strides when walking, head up, look where you are going and if someone shouts at you, shoot them a penetrating glare that says - I'm not the one honey. 

A few years later but only six blocks south, I fell in love in St. Andrews Park (Church and King). A massive, yellow brick 200 year old church was the neighbor to immaculate grounds featuring ever changing gardens, fountains and a wedding party almost every weekend in the spring. When Marc and I were new in love, we spent many afternoons in that park, silently eating gellatto in the sun, watching the birds preening and bathing. On his lunch breaks, I would make a special picnic and surprise him. Sparkling apple juice, coldcuts and nice cheeses, good choclate mousse. A few kisses and back to work.

Nine years I lived here and at the end of that time, I felt I had done it already. I wasn't learning or taking advantage of my hometown anymore. It was time to move on. Never once did I bash it, but I did take it for granted. I needed to push my boundaries, leave the comfort zone and blahblahblah. 2 weeks before we moved, I started to see the city as a tourist, taking in restaurants I never tried, even visiting the CN Tower. We do that don't we? Remembering when, or anticipating the next event, but missing the moment. Soaking up what works right in front of us. 

When I return now, there is a familiar feeling of comfort, trust, security and wellness. I forgot how green it was, how fresh the air is. I have peace of mind here, even if things aren’t perfect, its home. Some of us rag on our hometowns, dinky little dives like where I was born. Even Dorothy dissed Kansas, but that wicked witch put things in perspective! 

Where you come from says so, so, so much as to who you are. If you liked it, great!  Draw from the best of that place or exceed it's standards of normalcy. Leaving the zone and coming back to visit is a great way to gauge your growth. Take the action if you aren't happy where you are. It will take time, some planning and many unknown variables, there will be highs, hoes, cute apartments and gellatto, but honey, its yours for the taking.  

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