Q&A-AM I LOST IN MY BOYFRIEND?
6:12 AM Posted by MS.NOVA
*via email*
for almost 2 years now i've felt like an addict. i'm totally obsessed with my boyfriend and i have become THAT girl. like, i want to be with him all the time and when we arent together i'm calling him and when i'm not doing that i'm freaking out thinking that hes going to be with someone else or leave me or if he's mad at me. i lose it, i mean frikking go over the edge when we get in a fight and once i slept in the lobby of his building when he wouldnt answer my phone calls. ya, total nut job.
he's a bit older then me and has a high profile job in sports. i love basketball, but to impress him, i thought it would be a good idea to play dumb (so he'd teach me) and its an act i keep up. exhausting. i'm a doormat, i have no dignity, no friends and i dont even know what i want anymore. worst part is, its not even him! its all me doing this to myself!
what is my frikkin problem and how can i start living for myself again??
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January 20, 2011 at 3:18 PM
It's so ironic that the things that once made us feel so good about ourselves become the things that eat us alive. First of all, congratulations on finding love with a successful man in the sports industry. Not only are you blessed with companionship, but you probably don't have to foot all the bills either!
However, shame on you for falling out of love with yourself. You know as well as I do, that it was more likely that your views changed and not his. When you first met, the tables we probably quite balanced, and you were both into each other, and both brought intrigue and interest to the relationship. The more smitten you became with him, the less "involved" in yourself you remained. So his comings and goings, his hobbies, his friends, appointments, goals, even looks became more paramount than yours, because even you weren't paying attention anymore. For you to sleep in the lobby of his building because he didn't answer his phone (which could have been caused by a dead battery, a family emergency, or maybe he was just soundly asleep) doesn't speak to your regard for your own rest, well-being, or self-respect.
In the last 2 years, have you tried going on a vacation....alone? Did you become obsessed with your boyfriend because he seemed less interested in you? Do you have outside interests that are uniquely yours (career, hobbies, volunteering)? That is a lot of energy you are spending getting wound up in your boyfriend's life which by merit of being his girlfriend, you ALREADY play a significant role.
Maybe it's time to fall in love with yourself again. Try to connect to the qualities that drew him to you in the first place. The more you love yourself, the more others around you will love you too.
January 20, 2011 at 10:01 PM
@darling nicky
can i just say, how PERFECT you are for Q&A's?!
Nicki strikes again! you are the GIRLFRIEND. how much closerdoyouwanttobe? this neeeed for validation comes from somewhere and i have a sinking feeling that if he was successful or not, you might have the tendency to be, how do we say, clingy?
please don't be offended when i say that. to want to morph into another person only highlights our lack of direction for our own lives. if your adult life has been back to back relationships with few breaks in between - check yourself. really. who are you? what did you love to do before boys came along? its not your partners job to hold you together and keep you entertained, feeling secure and pet your hair and make it all better. only you can do that. myself, nicky, you and the boyfriend, can all agree to that.
nova